Lost and Found | Ep #115

I’m Andrea Giles, and you’re listening to the Heal From Infidelity podcast,
episode number 115, Lost and Found.

Hello and welcome to the Heal from Infidelity podcast where courageous
women learn not only to heal from their spouse’s betrayal, but to become
the boldest, truest, most decisive and confident versions of themselves
ever. If you know there’s more for you than the life you’re currently
living, but don’t quite know how to get there, you are in the right place.
Stick around to learn how to create a life that will knock your own socks
off. Is it possible? It is, and I’m here to show you how. I’m your host,
Andrea Giles. Are you ready? Let’s dive in.

Hello everybody. Welcome to episode number 115. So glad you’re here.
Today’s episode is going to be a little bit different than past episodes in
that I don’t have it all completely scripted. I don’t have every single
word planned out, not that I do that in my other episodes, but I’m going to
just talk to you. I’m going to share with you some thoughts that I’ve been
tossing around. I want to share with you a story of something that recently
happened, and bring it home to why this matters to you to know. Okay? I’ve
returned last week from a trip with my family. We went to California. We
spent a day in Disneyland and a day in Universal, and then went on a
cruise, and it was a blast. It was a blast, and we came home very tired, my
husband and I, it was a reminder that we are not spring chickens, and that
we have in fact started over and have a one-year-old, and that it was,
we’re tired, okay? But that’s not the point.

Overall, it was a great trip. But I want to share with you something that
happened on one of the nights there. The first day that we were there, we
went to Disneyland and we stayed at a hotel that was pretty close to
Disneyland where we could walk instead of having to drive and park, and all
of that. So, it was pretty close. So, we all walked there together, and in
the evening it started to get dark, and my husband and my baby was getting
really tired and fussy, and so he said why don’t I just take her back? I’ll
get her to bed. And my teenage sons decided they wanted to go back and go
swimming at the hotel, but my twins that are almost 14 wanted to stay. And
so, I stayed with them and we went on a couple more rides, things like
that.

Well, I noticed that it started to get really, really crowded. We were
starting to head out. We were getting ready to leave, and started to get
really crowded, and we walked by an area that those of you who have been to
Disneyland might recognize it’s the World of Color show, and I didn’t
really know about it, so I hadn’t planned on going. But we walked by, it
was dark, it was very, very crowded. Very crowded, pretty dark, and we were
walking by and we’d stop for a second watch, and the workers, the employees
of Disneyland were moving people along, so that we weren’t standing in the
traffic area. So, we kept moving along, moved along, and then I looked and
realized that I was missing a child. I was missing my sweet girl. One of my
twins was not with me, and I stood there for a while, looked all around,
and she definitely was not there.

I couldn’t remember how far back we were when she was there, and there are
people everywhere. There are people all over, and it was very dark. And of
course, throughout the day, my daughter’s phone died. She had no phone. She
had no way of calling me, no way of me calling her. Even though she is
almost 14, it was that same familiar, “Oh my gosh, my daughter’s missing.
My daughter’s missing.” It was horrible and scary. I kept my composure. I
was very calm, but inside, you go to the, what if? Where is she? Who has
her? All of those things. So, I said to my daughter, Lizzie, I said,
“Lizzie, I want you to stay right here. You stay right here and you look,
and if you see her call me.” ‘Cause her phone still was dead. I said, “If
you see her, call me, but don’t move from this place. Don’t move.”

So, I started walking and looking around, and I came to a Disneyland
employee, told her what happened, and she basically said, “Okay, give me a
description. I’ll start looking to.” Anyway, I’m just walking and feeling
more and more scared as the minutes go by that I don’t know where my
daughter is. And I felt terrible knowing that she probably knew at this
point that she was missing and that I was not there, and that she didn’t
know where I was. Anyway, I keep walking and my phone rings, and it’s this
random number from Seattle, and I knew instantly that she had borrowed
somebody’s phone and was calling me, picked up the phone. She was just
sobbing, just sobbing, “Mom, where are you?” And so, we figured out a
meeting place, and I went and got Lizzie. She was in fact, right where I
left her. She was crying, scared that her sister was missing, grabbed her,
and we went to the meeting place.

And as soon as Emmy found me, she just ran to me and grabbed me and just
cried and cried. It really shook her up. When I got there, this man who was
an employee of Disneyland, he was actually security. He came up to me and
he just said, “I’m so glad you found each other. Everything’s okay.” She
said that, I guess somehow he was notified that she was lost through
walkie-talkie from the woman that I had talked to. And he said to my
daughter, he said, “Is there any ride that you have not gone on today that
you want to go on? I can get you on any ride.” And she was, was so just
kind of shaken that she just said, “No, I just want to leave. I just want
to leave.” And so, then he said, “Okay, I’m going to escort you myself out.
Because I know the shortcuts and I know how to get you out without the
traffic.”

Because at that time, the World of Color show was ending, and so there were
hundreds if not thousands of people leaving the park at the same time, and
I didn’t even know how to get out, and that’s partly why we got lost. We
were trying to find our way out and didn’t know how to get out. He
personally escorted us through the park. He knew a back way that is open to
employees that he took us through. He made jokes and was just chatty, and
he said, “See, being escorted out by security isn’t a bad thing every time.
Sometimes it’s a good thing.”

And then he said something that was so profound to me and why I wanted to
record a podcast about it. He said, “If I seem really calm right now, it’s
because I do this every day. It’s because I see these situations all the
time, and I know that they generally turn out well.” And it just struck me,
and I’ve been thinking about it ever since, and I’ve been thinking about my
role as a coach and your role as the person who’s lost in Disneyland. I was
thinking about how I talk to people all the time, every single day, and I
hear their stories and how I can be calm. I can be calm because I do see
this every day, and I know how in general, how it turns out. I know the
shortcuts. I know the ways through.

I was thinking about if that man had not escorted us out, this is what
would’ve happened. I would’ve found my daughter. We would’ve been reunited,
and then we would’ve found our way out. We would walk around and we’d get
in the throngs of people, and it would take more time. It might be a little
more stressful, but eventually we would find our way out. We would, right?

My belief is that my clients, the people that I talk to, the people that
are in my space, my people are very resourceful. You’re resourceful. And
you know how to help yourself. So, I do think that you will find your way
through. I do think that you will get out and home and that you’ll get
through, but what I also think, I’ve been thinking about this so much,
about the significance and importance of having somebody who does it every
day, somebody who knows the shortcuts, that knows the back way, that lets
you bypass some of the things that are not necessary, and I see that as my
role as a coach, but I also think that there are other people out there who
can do the same thing, and I think of this podcast as one of those things.

I’m trying to give you the shortcut. I’m trying to help you not go three
wrong turns and then eventually get your way out. I guarantee that if that
guy did not guide us out, I guarantee we probably would’ve taken some wrong
turns. Do want to know a fun fact about Andrea? I am terrible, absolutely
terrible with directions. I am 100% directionally challenged. It’s hard for
me even to read a map. It’s not my strong point, okay? So, I can have the
Disneyland app open with the map in front of me and still get lost. All
right? That’s what I’m talking about here. Eventually, I probably could
have done trial and error or asked or whatever and figured my way out of
the park, but it definitely would’ve taken us more time, more frustration,
more stress for my daughter who at that point just really wanted to go back
to the hotel, and you too, 100% will make your way through this. You’re
going to get out, okay? You’re going to get out.

But I do think that what that man said is very significant, that the reason
I can be calm is because I see this every day, and I know that it generally
turns out well, and that he knew how. Like, He knew how to help. They had a
system in place of how to reunite kids with their parents and obviously
have assist system in place of how to treat them when they find them. What
amazing customer service, first of all, right? That he offered to give us
any ride, that he personally escorted us out, amazing, and I didn’t even
have a tiny child. She’s almost 14. Amazing, so thoughtful. Here’s what I
want you to think about, my beautiful listeners, is who are your guides?
Who are your guides? Who are your people that help bring calm to your
situation? Who are your guides that help you to know that you’re going to
be okay and that if there are shortcuts that help you find the shortcuts?

Sometimes we think that we should do it ourselves, that we should be strong
enough to figure this out. I don’t need somebody else. I can get through
Disneyland, right? Come on, I don’t need you to escort me out of the park.
Come on, right? Sometimes it’s okay to let people help you. Sometimes it’s
okay to admit that, “I don’t know the way out. I don’t know how to do this.
This feels so big. I’m so lost. I’m so lost. Can anybody help me?” I want
you to look and do an inventory of who you’re listening to. On a side note,
I have heard in the last week, just in the last week, so many instances of
poor help, poor guidance.

I’ve heard of instances where therapists have called one of my clients, a
drama queen because she keeps asking questions about something. I’ve heard
downright mean behavior from therapists or dismissive behavior. I want you
to look at who your guides are. Do you have guides first of all? Who are
they? Do an inventory of how helpful are they. How direct are they in
showing you the way out? Are they like, “If you want, you could come this
way with me if you want to?” How direct are they? This guy, I wish I knew
his name. He was very direct. “Come with me. I know the way out. We can go
the back route. It’s much quicker.” That’s the kind of guide you’re looking
for. You want somebody who knows it, who have seen this so many times that
they don’t need to be ruffled along with you. They don’t need to be upset
with you.

They get to hold on to the calm and the peace of going, “You know what? I
know the way out. I can see what you can’t see. I know the back roads, the
back alleys, the places that are the shortcuts. I know those and I’m going
to show them to you.” If you do not have that kind of help, please get that
kind of help. Whether it be from a therapist, whether it be from a coach,
whether it be from me, I can say with confidence that I know the way
through. I know what my clients need. I know exactly what they need. I know
that the key pieces that have to be in place for them to exit the crisis of
infidelity. To exit, and to really move forward with their life.

Just today, I had a call with my group and I heard from my group, every
single one of them saying, “I feel better. I feel better. I thought that I
was going to be stuck forever and I feel better. I can’t believe how much
better I feel. I can’t believe how far I’ve already come.” I know how to
help you do that. I know the shortcuts and the ingredients and the things
that need to happen, and I do believe that there are other coaches and
therapists out there that can help as well, 100%. I know my system. I know
my process. I know that it works. I know that it’s transformative.

To wrap this up, some of you feel really lost. I just love you, and I see
you, and I know how lonely you feel. I know how isolating it feels. I want
you to feel found. I want you to feel wrapped up, seen, loved, carried,
held. My sweet daughter, she gripped my hand the entire way out of the park
and all the way back to our hotel. She would not let go of my hand. It was
delightful because she’s almost 14 and she doesn’t hold my hand all the
time anymore, and I loved holding her hand. You have that access to you.
There are helpers, there are guides. There are people who are willing to
help you. So one, make sure that your guide knows the way through. Know
that your guide is not jumping into, “Oh my gosh, you got lost. This is
terrible.” That would not have been helpful. It would not have been helpful
if that man would’ve been judgmental of me. “How could you lose her?” Would
not have been helpful.

What was helpful is you said, “All right, here you are. Here’s the way
out.” “We got this. It’s not a big deal. You’re okay.” And I’m not here to
say that infidelity is not a big deal. That’s not at all what I’m saying,
but what I am saying is I know the way out and I know that there is an
amazing life on the other side of it, and I want to help you get there.

If it’s not me, please, my friends, take seriously that there are people
who can help you and that can escort you out of this and much quicker than
if you’re doing it on your own, much more efficiently than if you’re doing
it on your own. Okay? I want you to be found. I want you to feel found. I
want you to feel found, and held, and secure, and loved because you are.
All of those things, all of those things are available to you. Okay? Thank
you for being here today and for indulging me and sharing this story. It’s
been really impactful to me. It’s made me really think about many
situations in my life, just this simple story, but for you, my friends, I
want you to look for the help. Look for the guides. Look for the people who
can help you navigate this much quicker, more efficiently without the
things that can slow you down and even cause more hurt. Okay? We want the
safest and most efficient way through.

If you do want my help, my doors are always open now, always open to Know
in 90. It’s amazing. The more that I run it, the more that I see the power
in it. It’s an amazing program. It’s an amazing group of women. It’s
transformative, and I want you there, and you’re worth it. You’re worth it.

I wish that I could offer you a free ride at Disneyland, but I can offer
you so much better that you will be to the place where you can see clearly
for yourself, where you can be so proud of how far you’ve come, where you
can really see your life ahead and start crafting it in a way that you’re
so proud of. I want that for you.

Okay, my beautiful friends. Thank you so much, and I will see you on the
next episode. All right, bye-bye.

Thank you for listening to The Heal from Infidelity podcast. If you would
like to be kept in the know about upcoming free classes, new podcast
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it’s andreagiles.com/lies-about-infidelity/. I will see you next time.