Lessons from a Renovation | Ep #143

Join me this week as I share a personal experience of taking on a major project. You’ll hear some of the obstacles that made me want to quit, and the reasons why I kept going.

This episode is less about a renovation and more about what it actually looks like in real time to make your dreams happen. It is hard work that requires more skill of you than what you may currently have.

If you need some motivation to go after what matters most to you, don’t miss this one.

To learn more from me, be sure to join my email list at: https://andreagiles.com/lies-about-infidelity/

To work with me, go to: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/

Follow me on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfidelitycoach/
 

Episode Transcript

I’m Andrea Giles, and you’re listening to the Heal From Infidelity podcast
episode number 143, Lessons from a Renovation.

Hello, and welcome to the Heal from Infidelity podcast where courageous
women learn not only to heal from their spouse’s betrayal but to become the
boldest, truest, most decisive and confident versions of themselves ever.
If you know there’s more for you than the life you’re currently living but
don’t quite know how to get there, you are in the right place. Stick around
to learn how to create a life that will knock your own socks off. Is it
possible? It is. And I’m here to show you how. I’m your host, Andrea Giles.
Are you ready? Let’s dive in.

Hey, everybody. Welcome to another episode. I as always am so happy to be
here with you today. I’d like to imagine all of you listening and wish that
I could get to know each and every one of you, know your stories, know all
about your life, know what you’re up to. I know that you’re here because
you’re dealing with infidelity, at least most of you are, but I know
there’s so much more about you and your life that I would love to know as
well. Anyway, today is going to be a little bit different, little bit
different. I am going to share with you a very real in real-time story of
what’s been going on over here in my world. It’s a little personal, but I’m
hoping that you’ll find it helpful, that it will open your mind to some
things that maybe you hadn’t thought about. And I apologize in advance that
the quality is not up to par as usual. I’m using a different mic than I
normally do because I’m on the road, and I’ll get into that in a little
bit.

Okay. So here we go, Lessons from a Renovation. If you’re new around here,
you might not know this, but if you are one of my old timers that has been
around and listened to most or all of my episodes, you will know that I
love the ocean. Love, love, love the ocean. Grew up in Oregon near the
Oregon coast. I, as an adult, lived in the Bay Area for a while. I don’t
know. It’s just a very special place to me where I feel the most peace. It
puts things in perspective for me. And whenever I leave to go to wherever I
live, I always feel this sadness and almost a sense of loss, of wondering
when I’ll get back and really wanting to stay awhile.

So I’ve made it a goal in earlier podcasts. I’ve talked about this, that
sometime I want to own something by the beach that will allow me to spend
more time at the ocean, a place that’s mine that I can come back to, get to
know the area, really call it home, like a second home. And this has been
something that’s been on my radar, something that I’ve wanted for a long
time. And I’m going to tell you a little bit about what has been going on in
my life in the last several months. Right now, as I am recording this, I am
in the master bedroom sitting on my bed of the condo that I bought in
Hawaii. And I have my beach property. And I’m going to tell you a little
bit about how that came to be. And the reason why I’m telling you this is
because I’ve got a lot to share with you today. Man. Okay? There’s a lot to
share with you and why I’m sharing this with you.

It has been a extremely stressful process. It has been extremely difficult.
I’m so tired. Many, many, many, many, many, many things have gone wrong,
not the way they had been planned. And I want to share with you a little
bit about this because I think it’s important for you to hear about what it
looks like to really chase something that matters to you and getting over
the humps of your own negative thinking of what you think that you can
have, thinking outside the box. Okay? So let me begin. Last year I am in
some different coaching groups as a coach, just my colleagues, what they’re
up to, asking each other professional questions, et cetera. And somebody
else asked a question about looking for a property or a coach that could
help with that, a coach that dealt with real estate type stuff. And
somebody referred this coach, and I started following her. And I watched a
video that she and her mother did. And in this video… By the way, this
coach’s name is Alyssa Holbrook, and she’s amazing.

I hire coaches because I know the power of coaches. So I am a coach and I
pretty much always have somebody that I’m working with. It’s just part of
my taking really good care of myself. If there’s an area that I want to
grow in, I will go find that person, and off I go. Anyway, saw this video
on her Instagram page where she was talking to her mother right by the
ocean, and her mom said, “We purchased this property. We run it as an
Airbnb. And it does so well that we are able to come stay in it for a couple
months a year and afford to fly our kids out to see us every year while
we’re here.”

And there was something that clicked in me. It was just this deep knowing.
“Andrea, this is how it’s going to happen. This is what you’re going to do.
This is it. You’re going to find an investment property that you can rent
out, and then you’re going to see it when you want to go. And that’s going
to pay for you to be able to do it. It’s going to be an investment
property.” And so I started looking. And guess what? I hired that coach. I
hired her. And one thing led to another. We looked and looked. We spent many
sessions just looking for the right deals where the numbers made sense,
where I could afford it, where the numbers added up to where I could come
stay here for chunks of time throughout the year and still have it pay for
itself and make money. Okay.

So anyway, one thing led to another, and I ended up making an offer on a
place and I took ownership on December 29th. Now, keep in mind, I got a
great deal on it because it was pretty outdated. Not completely, but there
was a lot of things that needed to be done on it. Not terrible, but just
mostly updated. The owners had owned it for 37 years and are old-school,
old, old-school. They’re both almost 90. No offense at all. To my older
listeners on here, I love all of my people, but they hadn’t updated it for
a long time. Their style was a little bit different than mine. And so I
decided to undertake a updating, remodeling so that it would rent at the
highest rates so that I could make it really profitable to make my plan
work.

And so from Montana, for the last several months, I have been overseeing a
condo makeover. And I’ll tell you what. It has been one of the most
stressful things I have ever done in my entire life, and that is saying
something. That is saying something. I’ve had some pretty stressful times
in my life, and this one takes the cake. Holy smokes. That doesn’t take the
cake. I take that back, but it’s definitely pretty dang stressful. I hired
someone to help me with it because I wasn’t sure how I was even going to do
it living in Montana and not being able to be here. But anyway, I hired
somebody who had some contacts here for different things that I needed and
to help me with design stuff and things like that, specifically to make it
really work well for an Airbnb with the plan that we would come out here
after all of the upgrading, all of the remodeling, everything was done, and
just get it all beautified, all styled and beautiful and ready to go.

Anyway. I’m going to tell you some of the stuff that’s happened. This is a
very small portion of the many, many things that have happened. Okay? The
contractors that I hired, every single one of them, has made some pretty
significant mistakes that have set things back, that have made more work
for somebody else to come finish. Sometimes that person is me. I have had
problems with… One of my contractors completely removed the fiber
internet, just tore it out of the wall. So there’s no internet here. And I
have guests coming soon. My appliances that I ordered got lost in transit,
nowhere to be found. So that was a little difficult. Got that figured out.
Anyway. Got the appliances finally here. Realized that the door to the
fridge is on the wrong side and cannot be corrected, and it just is going
to have to be that way. It opens up to a wall. It’s going to have to just
be that way for a minute.

The contractors took out my dishwasher, even though I was not planning on
getting a new dishwasher, to put in new counters, and they left it sitting
outside. And somebody was taking some donations and they donated my
dishwasher. They donated my dishwasher. My dishwasher’s gone now. So I had
to go buy a dishwasher. And I found the only one that I could get on the
island that I didn’t have to order. So, oh, I could go on and on and on and
on and on. There’s just so many crazy things that happened. Some work that
was done in the bedroom to where I can’t shut the door. I can’t shut the
door all the way because of some things that happened. Paint dripped all
over. Flooring put in improperly. Ceiling fans that won’t work. We cannot
get them to work. They’re like techie Wi-Fi fans that I can’t get them to
pair. And I’m leaving tomorrow to go home. I have to get home.

And anyway, one thing after another. I kid you not. One thing after
another. One obstacle after another. As I have been working harder than I
have in a long time. I’m a hard worker. I own a business. I have 12
children. I have grandchildren. I have grown adult children and a
2-year-old. I have a very busy, hardworking husband. I know busy and I know
hard work. And this week has been intense. Intense. I flew out here a few
days ago and have been working nonstop, stopping to sleep for a little bit
and getting right back to work. I’m so tired. My hands are beat up. My
body’s so sore. And I want to share with you some thoughts. As I’ve been
scrubbing and cleaning and hauling and hefting and all the things, I’ve
been thinking about all of you, and I’ve been thinking about how when we
really want something, we do what it takes to get it. When we really,
really want something, we do what it freaking takes. When we really want
something, there’s not much that’s going to stop us.

And a struggle that my clients have a lot of the time is not really owning
what they want. They’re half owning what they want. Sometimes they are just
kind of tiptoeing around what they want in hopes that it will land on their
doorstep. Clients that know they want to stay in their marriage but know
they want it to be way better than it is and are afraid to shout that from
the rooftop site, like, “I want to stay here. This is where I want to be.
It’s worth my investing in. It’s worth it, but I want it this level, this
caliber. This is the kind of marriage I want.” I have clients who tiptoe
around if their husband’s going to pick them or not. They’re kind of waiting
for something to happen. Or clients who are afraid to own that they really
don’t want to stay, that they really don’t want to stay, that they don’t
feel like it’s in their best interest, that they feel like their soul would
die if they stayed, and they’re so afraid.

And this week, really, truly, genuinely every single day, every day, there
have been intense setbacks where I have the next two months booked out with
my Airbnb, and I’ve been looking at that going, “Am I going to have to
refund people and lose a bunch of money because of these things?” It has
been one thing after another, just one thing after another, setback after
setback after setback. And I had to fly someone over here, somebody I
didn’t even know. I had to ask around and found someone, a kid that came
over, a 24-year-old that came over, and worked so hard for me to help me
get a lot of the projects done that the contractors failed on. I had to let
some contractors go. I had to make some last minute calls. And it was very,
very stressful.

And this is what it looks like. This is what it looks like. When we are
willing to get our hands dirty, to get muddy, gritty and go after what we
want, to really fight for it. And here’s the kicker. No one will care about
it more than you. No one will care about what you want more than you will
care about what you want. And sometimes we want somebody else to care about
it as much as we do. And let me talk about that a little bit. Let’s slow
that down. Sometimes we want others to what we want as much as we do. And at
the end of the day, only we know the things that are in our heart that we
really, really want, and we can’t expect somebody else to want the things
that we want in the way that we want them. Okay?

Sometimes though, we can hope to be with others who want a healthy marriage
too, healthy relationships. We can want them and expect them to want the
same thing, but nobody’s going to want it the way you do. Nobody’s going to
want it the way that your vision shows you, the vision that you have of
your life, of the good things that are out there. No one can see that for
you. Okay? People can drop hints along the way. I just told you about how I
found this magical place. It’s magical. It is beautiful. It’s a beautiful,
beautiful condo. I’m a three-minute walk to the ocean. It’s not quite on the
ocean, but it’s three minutes away. It’s right there. I have a 120-year-old
banyan tree right out my patio, my [foreign language 00:14:49]. It’s this
beautiful little slice of heaven. And I would not be here, I would not be
here, I don’t say that to brag or anything like that, but I would not be
here if I didn’t first proclaim very vocally that, “This is what I want.
I’m putting a stake in the ground. I’m making it happen.”

And to be completely honest, I thought it was years out. I thought it was
going to be way down the road. And yet here I am now, today. And part of
that is because I really believe that when we proclaim the things that we
want, put that stake in the ground and say, “This is what I want. I’m going
to make it happen,” doors start opening. We can follow little hints and
follow trails and see where they lead us. Seeing that post about real
estate. Hiring the coach. She helped me find the deal. And the same is for
you. Many of you are afraid to boldly say what you want, to boldly claim
it. And my belief about desire is that desire is such a gift. It is such a
gift that we all have that needs to be nurtured and allowed and opened up
and received by us, because it is the path that we are meant to walk.

The things that you desire are your unique path that are custom to you, to
take you where you want to go most, and your growth is in becoming the
person that has that thing. Your growth is in walking the path, the
stretching, the growing, the becoming, the shedding. Oh, the shedding.
There’ve been so many conversations that I’ve had to have in this process
that have been uncomfortable, talking with contractors, even making the
offer, doing all the things that I’ve done that have been uncomfortable,
and I’ve had to shed some things and go, “I don’t need to be this people
pleasing person. Who needs to show up now? Andrea, CEO. Get the job done,
Andrea, is who needs to show up now.” I’ve really had to dig her out and
let her be front and center and care about people’s feelings, but also care
about getting the job done and communicating in that way. I care about you
and I also care about me.

And I want you to think about your own desires. What does your heart want?
What does your heart want? No one will want it more than you. No one is
privy to it more than you at all. This is your own path. And I wonder what
would happen if you slowed down and let yourself hear what your heart is
telling you, what your soul is telling you, about what you were meant for,
what kind of relationship, what kind of life. And I want to give you a
little challenge. All of you listening, I want to give you a challenge.
What if? If it were possible, how? Okay? I want you to just play with this.
If there’s something that you know want that you don’t know how. Sometimes
we’re not quite privy to it yet. We have to be open first and then how kind
of presents itself to us.

For you listening, you have desires or into practice opening up to them.
“What is here? What is here? What do I desire? And then if I knew that I
was meant to have that, what would be my next move? What would it look
like?” Just assuming that I’m going to have that thing and letting that
help determine my decisions today, what bold, courageous move might I make
today?”

You say you want a marriage that you feel chosen and completely seen, where
you trust, where there’s vulnerability between you, where there’s intimacy
between you. You say you want that. To put a stake in the ground and say,
“I will have it. I will have it. I will fight for it. I will sacrifice for
it. I will get gritty with it, roll up my sleeves and get to work. I will
stand straight in the mirror and confront the hardest things to see. And
I’ll ask my partner to do the same. I will do this because I know that it’s
what I’m meant for and it’s the kind of relationship I want. And those who
are meant to be there will be there, whether it’s my current husband or
someone down the road. As I commit and keep moving forward, the people that
are supposed to be along for the ride will show up or the people that are
meant to go along for the ride will rise up to.”

Those of who are married still who really want to stay with your spouses, I
believe in people. I believe that people can change. Not all do, but I do
believe they can. And often when one person hears the call to really step
forward and own the things that you want and fight for them, that’s when we
often see those around us rising up. It has been a really exciting process
and also, as I’ve mentioned, very stressful, but I also have felt amazed
and so grateful that I am making my dream a reality. It is now a reality,
much faster than I could have imagined. This is available to you. I want
this for you. I want you to fight and get gritty and fight for what you
want. Listen to the things that you want, and then get to work. Then get to
work.

As I wrap this up, I want to invite those of you who perhaps have been on
the fence about joining my program. I want to invite you to join. This is
the kind of stuff we do inside my program. I help my clients get to work. I
hear the things they want, and I hold them to it. And I help them to grow
into the person that has the thing they say they want. I help them to fight
for the things they want from their best place, from their most loving
place. They learn skills. They learn how to do that. I often will give
actual words to try, actual words, actual sentences, dialogues. We’ll
practice. It’s a powerful, powerful program with so much good information.
I’m changing some things up inside of my program. And I recently went back
and watched my own trainings. And I have to tell you. They’re pretty darn
good. And I’ve created something that is really, really powerful that
changes people’s lives.

Between studying the content and putting it to practice and attending the
calls and all of the support for an entire year, an entire year of
transformation, getting out of the rut you’re in, getting out of the pain
that you’re in. What is that worth to you? What is it worth to you to get
out of the pain and on with your life? If this resonates with you, please
come join. Please come join. Come join the group. They’re the best women on
this planet, ready to support you. I’m here ready to support you, make your
dreams a reality. You are worthy of all of it. You’re worthy of all of it.

All right. I hope that you can take something from this today and go work
on your own dreams and know that all the good things are meant for you.
You’re supposed to have them, all of them. Go get them. No one is going to
do it for you. No one. But you will have helpers. You will have people that
come along to aid you. But no one can make it happen except for you. Okay?
Go be the change maker. Go be the leader of your life. All right. I’ll see
you next time.

Thank you for listening to the Heal from Infidelity podcast. If you would
like to be kept in the know about upcoming free classes, new podcast
episodes and other ways of working with me, go subscribe to my weekly
email. You can subscribe at andreagiles.com/lies-about-infidelity/. Again,
it’s andreagiles.com/lies-about-infidelity/. I will see you next time.

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Hi. I’m Andrea Giles and I am so glad you are here.

Not many years back I found myself in a life I didn’t recognize, feeling confused, sad, and so small. My “forever” marriage was in shambles, and I didn’t know if I could ever trust my own judgment again.  Through my faith and some great tools, I was able to completely change my life and find myself again. Now it is my mission to help others who are right where I was. Click the button below to read more about my story.

Why was I not enough?

Does this question torment you? It did me too until I learned that the actions of my spouse had nothing to do with me, my worth, or my lovability. Click on the link below for a free guide that will teach you the 3 biggest lies about infidelity and why they are keeping you stuck.

Hi. I’m Andrea Giles and I am so glad you are here.

Not many years back I found myself in a life I didn’t recognize, feeling confused, sad, and so small. My “forever” marriage was in shambles, and I didn’t know if I could ever trust my own judgment again.  Through my faith and some great tools, I was able to completely change my life and find myself again. Now it is my mission to help others who are right where I was. Click the button below to read more about my story.