Gratitude, Pain and a Baby | Ep #72

I’m Andrea Giles and you’re listening to the Heal from Infidelity podcast
Episode Number 72, Gratitude, Pain, and a Baby.

Hello, and welcome to the Heal from Infidelity podcast where courageous
women learn not only to heal from their spouse’s betrayal but to be become
the boldest, truest, most decisive, and confident versions of themselves
ever. If you know there’s more for you than the life you’re currently
living but don’t quite know how to get there, you are in the right place.
Stick around to learn how to create a life that will knock your own socks
off. Is that possible? It is, and I’m here to show you how. I’m your host,
Andrea Giles. Are you ready? Let’s dive in.

Hey, everybody. As promised, I am back this week to talk a little bit more
in detail about my last couple of weeks in welcoming a new baby into the
world, and I wanted to share some thoughts with you today that I hope help
you. Before I do that I want to just say to all of you a huge, huge thank
you. This past week my podcast that’s been alive for 16 months hit 100,000
downloads. They are from all over the world, all different people, many,
many countries represented. And I thank you so much for listening, for
sharing with people, for reviewing, for rating, for helping me get this
podcast out there.

I will also just share a little fun thing that I found out recently.
There’s a place where you can look up through a Google feature how your
podcast is doing compared to other podcasts. There are almost three million
podcasts in the world, and mine ranks in the top 1.5% of all the podcasts
that are out there. That just blew my mind. So fun to see, so fun to know
that it’s being useful, that it’s helping people. And that’s what this is
all for. It’s to help people. Right? So I’m happy to know that it’s
reaching people, and I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for
being here. Thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for
trusting me to help you along your journey. Okay. With that I want to dive
into what I want to talk about today. This is going to be probably a little
bit shorter than usual.

My parents just flew in today. They are here holding my little baby girl
while I’m back in my office just recording this, and I really just wanted
to share some of my thoughts with you. I’m going to start with the moment
that my baby was born. She was born two weeks early. I’ve never had a child
come early. That day I was in the doctor’s office for a routine visit, and
my water broke while I was at the doctor’s office. I had never had that
happen on its own. And she said, “Oh, you’re having a baby today.” Just
like that I had to go get my stuff and head to hospital, and had a baby.
She was born at 10:28 PM, so I labored all day. But the second that she was
born I cried. I cried a lot. I cried tears of joy that this new little
person was here, that she made it safely, that I have this new little girl.

Part of that cry is what I’ve been thinking about all of you with. Part of
that cry was a cry of wonder and almost disbelief at what my life looks
like and of how far I have come. That’s kind of what I want to talk to you
about today. Seven years ago, actually eight years ago, in fact eight years
ago this week now that I think about it, I got divorced December 12th,
2013. That’s when it was final. I thought that my life was over, my
friends, as many of you probably feel. I felt like I was losing everything.
My children were in so much pain. I was in so much pain. I had many times
where I was curled up in the fetal position, crying with such pain that I
didn’t know how I’d ever feel okay again.

I remember feeling like the best years were over and that I was just going
to have to get through and take care of my kids. It was hard for me to see
past what I was currently feeling. It was hard for me to see past the pain
that my children were enduring. I did have hope. I did have some hope that
things would get better. I just had no idea what it would look like. I
didn’t have any kind of visual in my head of what it would look like.
Something you’ve heard me say in this podcast is that I also knew that in
some form I was going to help other people get through their journey of
infidelity. I knew that when I was going through it. I had people coming to
me for help. Even when I was not great I had people coming to me, and I
knew that that was something that I was being prepared for.

But I had no idea where it would take me. No clue. I’ll talk a little bit
more about that later on. But 13 years ago, not 13 years ago, 2013, excuse
me, I really just felt just empty. I felt so betrayed, so betrayed, so
tricked. Like I had been tricked. I even felt like I was tricked by God.
Like that I had done everything that I thought that was correct to do and
good to do, and kind of like, “This is what I get,” and was just hurting
tremendously. If you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while you know
that the very next year, just seven months later, my first husband died. We
had been married for 16 years. He was the father to my children, and I was
in terrible pain all over again and so were my kids. It was very, very
painful, and I had no idea how we were all going to be okay or what that
would look like.

In the last couple weeks, my daughter is now two weeks old today, in the
last couple of weeks I’ve had many, many moments where I’ve sat in my chair
nursing her, holding her while she’s asleep on my chest, with tears just
streaming down my face. Many of those tears have been because I just can’t
believe where my life is now. I have felt immense, immense, deep gratitude
for all of it, for every single bit of it. Because, my friends, if I didn’t
experience every single bit of it, I would not have this little girl. I
would not be sitting here talking to you today. I would not have my
business. I would not have my husband. I would not have my extra five bonus
kids that I love dearly. I would not live in Montana.

Just so many things, so many things that I did not know were right around
the corner waiting for me. Instead, I felt often like it was just over and
done. Like the rest of my life was just going to be just painful. Right? So
I want to share with you a few different points that I want you to think
about. My invitation to you my friends is, as you listen to this,
especially now in the holiday season which can be particularly difficult I
know, I know you think about what you thought it would be and it looks a
little different. Doesn’t it? I want you to open up. I want you to just
practice opening up to the points that I’m going to make. I want you to
just practice. Okay? And think about how will the points that I make could
possibly be true for you. Okay?

Point number one, expect the unexpected. Okay, so what does that mean? It
means I invite you to be open to being steered and led in directions you
did not intend or plan on going to. I’ve told you before that my husband
had a vasectomy almost two years ago. We were not going to have children.
We were good with 11 kids, and then I got pregnant. It was very unexpected
and it threw both of us quite a bit. At first, I had all kinds of thoughts
about, “Well, how am I going to keep doing my business? How am I going to
… I like to travel. How will I be able to travel? How can I go to the
trainings that I go to,” and really struggled with starting completely
over. Then I practiced being open to this direction I did not plan on. And
in that moment when I held my little girl for the first time I tell ya, oh
my goodness how could I not be happy with this unexpected surprise? She’s
perfect.

I’m 44 years old, and I’m starting over, and I have a perfect little baby
girl that I get to parent. And I get to parent her from a place of a whole
lot more wisdom and experience than I ever had before. Coaching for me was
one of the unexpected directions that I have taken. I’ve mentioned before
that I was planning on being a therapist. I was going to school to be a
therapist, and then I was introduced to coaching. I didn’t even know
anything about it. I started understanding and learning things that helped
make sense of my own experience. I didn’t understand it all, but I leaned
in to the unexpected and jumped in with both feet. And now I have my own
wonderful business with wonderful clients and I get to talk to you. Expect
the unexpected.

Okay. Point number two, practice trusting that it is working for you, not
against you. I know, my friends, that this is a hard one to swallow. How
can you having your heart broken, and feeling so hurt and betrayed and
untrusting, and wondering how things are going to turn out, how can it be
working for you? Right? How can this be in my favor? I so understand that.
But I’m living proof, my friends, that it has all, every single bit of it,
worked for me. It has enriched my life. It has made me a better person. It
has made me dive deeper in my faith, in my belief, in my understanding of
who I am, despite what anybody else says or does. It has helped me to look
beyond myself, to try to understand at a deeper level, “How is what you are
going through working for you and not against you? How is it possible?
How?”

I really did feel the things you are. I worried about the same things. I
felt in limbo for years in my marriage. I didn’t know how it was going to
end. Then one day I did know, and I knew that it was time to end it. Now
that does not have to be your story. Okay? What I do know though, what I
can tell you, is that whatever you’re experiencing right now I promise you
it is working for you. It’s part of your instruction, it’s part of your
training, to step into a more true and bold version of who you are. How is
this possible? Because this work that you’re going through is not for
wimps. It requires growth. It requires learning to trust, most of all
learning to trust yourself, and that is the hardest and most important work
you will ever do in this life. It’s so vital.

Okay. Point number three, practice gratitude. I know that that’s easier
said than done. Sometimes you have to strain to find it. Right? Sometimes
it’s hard to see. But I promise you the more that you can practice
gratitude, the more it will ease your burdens. The more that you can
practice gratitude and see what you do have, see what is still intact, see
how the unexpected twists and turns are serving you, see how you still have
many things. You still have yourself. You still have people that love you
and care about you. How can gratitude help you today? I’m going to give you
a little bit of a challenge. Okay? You might be struggling right now
through the holidays. Like I said, holidays can be tricky.

I want you to find an opportunity to lift somebody else, to see somebody
else’s life, to see what their struggles are. You know what happens every
time? It ends up lifting you because we are meant to lift each other. We’re
meant to be in each other’s lives, and it can help give us a different
perspective when we serve others. How can you lift somebody else and
therefore lift yourself? Okay. To wrap it up. I just want to just send so
much love this holiday season. I want you to know that I think about all of
you often, wherever you are, even if we’ve never talked, never met. I think
about you. I pray for you. I think about where you’re at and what you’re
feeling, and your fears, your deepest stuff, like the deepest stuff that
you don’t feel safe telling anybody.

I think about you and what those things are. And I just want to tell you
from the sincerest part of my heart that you have so much to look forward
to. You have good things to look forward to. This stage that you’re in is
temporary. It will not last forever. The pain that you’re feeling is
temporary. It will not last forever. This too shall pass. You will feel joy
again. You will feel love and all the things that have felt so far away to
you for a while. You will feel all of those things again. The more you open
up to these points, expecting the unexpected, practice trusting that it’s
working for you and not against you, and practicing gratitude, the more
that you can lean into those things the quicker you’re going to transition
through this stage and onto the next beautiful part of your life.

I really hope you know that you are loved, that you’re seen, that you’re
cared for, that you are not alone, that the things that you’re carrying
around that you are sure nobody else understands, I promise you, you are
not alone. That the things that you feel are normal, as painful as they may
be. And that you have much, much to look forward to. It might not come in
the form of an amazing business or in the form of a new baby. You know
what? It’ll come in the form of whatever is the best thing for you. That’s
something I know. Whatever is the best, whatever promotes your growth the
most, and that brings you joy. Because you are known, you are cared for,
and there are blessings and gifts being stored up to give you. And I just
look forward to knowing what those things are for each of you.

Okay. That’s all for today. Thank you again so much for being here, and I
look forward to talking to you soon. Take care. Bye-bye. Thank you for
listening to the Heal from Infidelity podcast. If you would like to be kept
in the know about upcoming free classes, new podcast episodes, and other
ways of working with me, go subscribe to my weekly email. You can subscribe
at andreagiles.com/lies-about-infidelity/. Again, it’s
andreagiles.com/lies-about-infidelity/. I will see you next time.