I’m Andrea Giles and you’re listening to the Heal from Infidelity podcast,
episode number 177, Why Those Who Invest in Themselves Heal Faster.

Hello and welcome to the Heal from Infidelity podcast for courageous women
learn not only to heal from their spouse’s betrayal, but to become the
boldest, truest, most decisive and confident versions of themselves ever.
If you know there’s more for you than the life you’re currently living but
don’t quite know how to get there, you are in the right place. Stick around
to learn how to create a life that will knock your own socks off. Is it
possible? It is, and I’m here to show you how I’m your host, Andrea Giles.
Are you ready? Let’s dive in.

(00:50):

Hello, welcome back to another episode. So glad to have you here today.
Today we’re going to be talking about something that might be a little
uncomfortable investing in yourself. I can tell you that from the very
beginning of my coaching journey when I became a coach, I knew that I did
not want to go alone. I knew that there were people out there who knew so
much more than me about how to do the things that I wanted to do. We do
live in an age when we can look up all kinds of things. There’s so much
information at our fingertips and I know many who have tried to build
businesses for this example and struggled, and what I have learned and what
I’m grateful to Andrea, past Andrea for is that I have known from the
beginning that investing in myself is the surest way to bet on me and on my
success.

(01:48):

I’ve done this when I have personal issues come up that I just need some
support with. I’ve done this around financial issues when I have financial
things to work through and I’ve done that with my business. What I have
learned from my own experience and from watching clients from many years
now of watching clients, of watching people who reach out and say, I’m
really needing help. I really need help, and are unwilling though to take
the leap or they’re trying to find the easiest way around it or the
cheapest way through it, are the ones that years later are still
struggling. What I know is that the people who actually get the
transformation are the ones who go all in, including financially. If you
have been hesitating to invest in your own healing and holding back and
kind of patching things together, this episode is going to challenge how
you see money, commitment and growth.

(02:50):

Stick around. Okay, stick around. Now let’s talk about the real reason
you’re scared to invest. There are many objections to investing in
ourselves. Sometimes it is, what if I spend this money and don’t follow
through? I know this one. I know the struggle. I’m paying this much money
and can I actually count on myself that I’m going to show up? I one time
had a client ask me a question. She ended up joining the program, but she
said, A tendency that I have is that I join things and then I jump in for a
little while and then kind of phase myself out, and my challenge to her
was, but why do you believe that as just factual about yourself and what if
jumping into this and challenging that and teaching yourself another way is
going to build the very trust in yourself that you really want and that you
really need, and again, this person joined, okay, what if I spend this much
money and don’t follow through?

(03:52):

It can feel, it can feel scary to trust ourselves, to commit to something,
knowing that we’re going to be spending time, our precious, precious time
going in on ourselves. It can feel uncomfortable. Another common objection
is, what if I don’t get the outcome I want? This is a big one. We are
really good at being the special unicorn and let me tell you what I mean by
that. We think that our situation is way more difficult or way more unique
than everybody else’s and that surely this might work for this person and
this person, but not for me. Isn’t that fascinating? I’m somehow different.
I somehow have more problems than others. I’ll tell you where this has shown
up for me. I have invested heavily in business coaches and people that are
running businesses the way I want to run my business, spent a lot of money
on it, and a hangup that I have had is I don’t know anyone else that has as
many children as I do trying to do the things that I’m trying to do and
that has gotten in my head many times of, well, they don’t have that many
children calling them throughout the day, people needing things from them,
often people getting married, children being born, kids at home, a toddler,
they don’t have all of that.

(05:16):

While that might be factually true, what I have learned is that it’s not
useful for me at all and it slows me down. What has been far more powerful
for me is trusting that I am someone who can hold a lot. I have big
shoulders. Last week I was meeting with one of my private clients and I got
on and he said, I’m just wondering how you are. You hold a lot, you do a
lot, and I thought it was very kind and very sweet and thoughtful, and my
answer was, I’m doing the things that I want to do. I love what I’m doing
and therefore rather than stopping doing the that I love to do, it has
forced me to grow my capacity, so when I have invested in these groups,
what I’ve had to do is bet on myself that I can grow into the version that
is able to hold a lot.

(06:14):

I can do the things that I need to do for my business that drive it forward
and I can do the things that I need to do personally for myself to support
me and for my family. This is how I determine that I get the outcome I
want. It is not outside of me. It’s all internal. Another thought is I
shouldn’t have to pay to heal. I should be able to do this on my own. And
another follow-up thought is why should I have to pay so much money for
something that I didn’t even do? Oh, I so understand this one. I didn’t even
do it, so I kind of resent that I have to pay for it. I want you to know
that at the root of these questions is trusting yourself that the
investment will be worth it, that you will be able to heal.

(07:06):

It’s about trust. It’s about growing into self-trust. Part of it is
recognizing that even though you did not cause this, you are the only one
who can heal it. You are the only one. No one can do it for you. You are
the only one that can fully step into owning that this is mine to heal and I
will do whatever it takes because it costs too much not to. A question I
have for you is do you believe you’re the kind of person who will actually
show up for your own healing if you go all in? Do you believe that about
yourself? Yes or no? Why or why not? I want you to check in with yourself.
What I know is that the women who get the biggest results inside my groups,
inside my work are the ones who decide they are worth betting on.

(08:01):

They know that they are sick and tired of feeling the way they are. They go
all in. They show up to the calls, they do the work inside the portal, the
self-study part. They ask questions. They get coaching. Those are the ones
that get the results and they get them quickly because they decide that
it’s going to work. They decide it’s going to work. It’s not a matter of me
convincing anybody of why it’s going to work. It’s them going, I have enough
trust here with Andrea that I trust her. I trust this process. I’m going all
in and darn it, I’m going to make this be effective because I’m betting on
me. It’s going to work. They are the ones that fly. They succeed and they
succeed quickly. Alright, the next piece I want to talk to you about is
money as energy and you invest in yourself reflects your priorities.

(08:59):

What we value, we put resources into period. Okay? What things do you not
hesitate at all to spend money on? Your kids, your house, your car, maybe
your Starbucks, maybe getting your hair done, maybe getting your nails
done, education, travel, right? But when it comes to you, something that is
just for you that’s not as flashy as a new car or an amazing trip, suddenly
it’s too expensive and I don’t want to spend the money. It’s too expensive.
That’s sad, right? It’s sad because why are the other things worth more
than your wellness? Your peace, your peace of mind. Why do they get more
weight than you? If someone told you that in one year you could feel free,
confident at peace, grounded back into who you are, walking around not
feeling like you want to shrink into the ground, walking around knowing
that your relationship is better than it’s ever been, or you are on your
way out, knowing that you are opening up space for the kind of relationship
that just makes you sing, knowing that trusting yourself again, what would
that be worth to you?

(10:23):

What would it be worth to you? I want you to know something. Money is just
an energetic exchange. It is. If you think about money, it’s very neutral.
It’s just a thing, but if we think of it as an energetic exchange, what it
does is it reflects what you’re ready to receive. It reflects what you’re
ready to receive, what we value we pay for, and the more we are willing to
invest, the more we are ready to receive. It’s an energetic exchange like
anything that you might invest in, you get what you pay for, and a lot of
that is, there’s two pieces to that. One is because the more that you
invest, the more that you are going to be invested in it, right? If it’s a
hundred dollars, offer something that you pay a hundred dollars for, you
are going to show up much more casually, more than likely to that a hundred
dollars offer than you would to something that costs $10,000.

(11:27):

With $10,000. You have more skin in the game. You’re going, this is it. I’m
not waiting around anymore. This is it. I’m going in, right? You’re like,
here we go. Let’s go. Another piece of this is that you and your intuition,
there are people listening to this right now that already know if something
is right for you, whether it’s me or somebody else, and your mind jumps
into over complicate it to say, no, it’s too expensive. No, it won’t work
for you. Something that I can’t get on all the calls because of work or
because of the time difference, so no, I’m just not going to do it. I could
tell you that all of the calls are recorded. I could tell you that we have
calls at different times that are live or you get live coaching. I could
tell you that you get to set up one-on-one calls with my amazing assistant
coach.

(12:22):

I can tell you all of these things, but our minds over complicated and
think that it’s the features of the program that we’re going to ensure
success rather than us deciding we’re going to show up fully for all of it,
that we’re going to make it work, that we are priority enough to move
things around, to get up early for a call, to stay up late for a call that
we’re going all in. I have clients all over the world, all over the world. I
have clients that show up on the calls in their middle of the night thinking
of my Australian clients middle of the night. I have clients in Africa. I
have clients in the Philippines. I have clients in Europe. I have clients
in Canada. They’re all different time zones and they prioritize these calls
because they know that they are the healing balm to them, that this is
where they get the real help in real time with stuff going on for them and
hear the stories of other people that are like them that they can use
instantly.

(13:25):

They exchange the sacrifice of getting up, staying up late, doing what they
need to do is helping them to be able to actually make the changes that
they want because they have skin in the game. They are immersing themselves
in it. If you keep treating your own healing like an afterthought that you
will get to at some point, it will always be something you hope to do
someday. I need to get to that. It’ll be that kind of energy. Oh yeah, I
do. I need to get to that. Now, let’s get to the high cost of staying stuck.
If you think that investing in your growth is expensive, I want you to know
what’s more expensive. What is more expensive? I think it’s way more
expensive to have another year of feeling anxious and triggered and unsure
of myself. I think that costs more. You cannot put a price on how much that
costs on going to meetings at work or being with your children and feeling
small and feeling ashamed and feeling like you are wronged and feeling like
you’re never going to be the same again and feeling like your relationship
will always hurt.

(14:43):

Oh, that is painful. Oh, that is painful. That is very, very expensive.
What else is the emotional toll of being in limbo? The emotional toll of
being in limbo, not knowing, going back and forth, back and forth, back and
forth, the impact on your relationships in your career, in your self-trust.

(15:09):

This really impacts everything. It impacts everything. I remember in my
first marriage feeling like when things were going well in the
relationship, everything else worked better, everything else felt better,
and when things were not going well, everything else felt not great. It did
not matter what promotions he got where we made more money. It didn’t
matter what amazing children we had and what their accomplishments were
when things were rocky and the relationship when I felt like I couldn’t
trust him and worse when I felt like I couldn’t trust myself, everything
was harder. When we start to feel our feet back under our ground like we
are back in control, not from a, I need to control another individual, but
because I am leading myself forward, everything gets better, everything
gets better. We know that we’re going to be okay. Okay? We know that we’re
going to be all right.

(16:15):

Another huge cost that cannot be overlooked is our kids. For those of you
with children, kids don’t just learn from what we tell them. They absorb
what they see. They are little sponges. If they watch us and accept
emotional neglect, betrayal or lack of self-worth as normal, they
internalize that as normal, that this is just normal. This is just the way
it is. We pick that stuff up and we carry it as wounds, and we don’t even
know often they’re wounds until it shows up. When we have difficult things
in our life and don’t have the tools to handle the patterns, we don’t heal.
They will repeat whether consciously or unconsciously, whether they are
trying to reject the things that we do and say, I’m not going to do that
and then end up doing it anyway. In other ways. A real question here, not
to scare you but to really ask you is do you want your children to grow up
and have the same struggles and love, trust and self-worth that you do?

(17:25):

Do you want that for your kids? I don’t think so, and I don’t think you
want that for you either. I don’t think you want that for you. The hard
truth here, my friends, is that your healing is not just about you. It’s
not just about you. It’s not just about you making your own life easier.
It’s about breaking the cycle so your children don’t have to repeat it. I
cannot tell you how many people I have worked with who watch their parents
be unfaithful, their mothers, their fathers, their grandparents, where it’s
like a family legacy and then their spouse does it or they do it. They said
they weren’t going to and they do or they say, “I would never marry
somebody like my father who cheated on my mother repeatedly, and then here
they are. These are the cycles that have to be deeply looked at, deeply
examined so they can be broken, and what if you are the one to do it you so
that your children won’t have to.

(18:26):

I want you to imagine your son or daughter in a relationship 10 or 20 years
from now. Do you want them to stay in something painful, confused, and lost
because they watched you be confused and lost, or do you want them to grow
up knowing what self-respect, clarity, and emotional freedom look like? I
want you to know I am not saying these things to scare you or to manipulate
in any way. This is real. We pass down what we do, we pass it down. Our
kids watch and they learn and they normalize. They think it’s normal and
they don’t know any different. Rather than hearing this as some kind of
threat, I want you to hear it as truth and answer it. Honestly. If I assume
that my kids are picking up, they know. They know that I am torn up inside.
Even if I’m not saying it, they can feel it.

(19:29):

They feel the energy. They know that I’m wrecked inside. They know that
there’s something not right. They know that I feel unsettled and it creates
some unsettled feelings in them because they don’t understand it, but they
can feel it. What is this worth to you to show them healing, to show them
honesty, to show them emotional resiliency, emotional grit. What is that
worth to you and what is it costing your children and the people closest to
you if you keep delaying the decision to really own your own healing? The
women and men who heal the fastest don’t wait, want to know what they do.
They decide. They decide rather than waiting from a sign from heaven.
Although I have had many people say that they knew that it was like a
divine intervention thing that they just knew, but for a lot of people they
don’t.

(20:33):

Rather than waiting for a sign, waiting for the stars to align, waiting for
their time to be right, they decide I am worth more than this hell that I
am currently living in. I am worth more than this and I’m over it and I’m
going to go all in. I’m going to go big. I see it all the time. The ones
who make the fastest, deepest transformations are not the ones that are
waiting on the sidelines till the time is right, till it’s the perfect time.
There is no such thing. They are the ones who feel the fear and do it
anyway. They’re the ones who stop overthinking and start moving, doing,
going, showing up. They are the ones that trust that the money exchange
will return, that they will be able to make it up. I want to talk about
this. They can make up that money, but they cannot make up the time.

(21:28):

They cannot make up lost time, okay? When we invest in ourselves even
financially, what happens is we grow our own confidence. We grow our own
ability to advocate for ourselves and ask for the things that we need. We
grow our ability to go bolder. It is far reaching, which often translates to
money, more confidence to ask for the promotion or to leave our job and go
do something that we want to do, right? It is very far reaching, asking for
the things that we want in a divorce. If that’s your situation, rather than
just, I just got to get out so it can stop hurting, so I’ll just take
whatever trust that if you are going all in on your investing, that that
money will return to you. It’s kind of a law. When we trust and go all in
on something, it’s going to return, but the time will not.

(22:27):

If you are still here listening, part of you already knows this is true for
you, part of you is hearing this and feeling maybe a little annoyed, maybe
a little irritated because you know that it’s true. What would happen for
you if you actually acted on that knowing and just trusted it and decided,
just decided If this is speaking to you, I want you to sit with this
question. Am I willing to stay in this same place for another year or is it
time to go all in on myself? Is what I’m currently doing to help myself
rapidly working or is it kind of just slowly being useful? I’ve had so many
people come into my program saying that they did lots of therapy and that
it just kind of ran its course and felt slow, and this is for people who
are ready to run, ready to go all in and to get the things that they need
so they can get on with their life.

(23:31):

Healing does not just happen. It does not just happen. It is created by the
choices that you make. Are you ready to make the choice that changes
everything for you? I want to know that this is not about pressure. It’s
not about pressure. It’s about helping you see what’s possible When you
stop holding yourself back. I want you to imagine who you’ll be a year from
now. How do you feel? What would that person tell you today? What would that
person say to you? I recognize that this episode maybe stirred something in
you. Maybe you’ve been feeling the pull for a while knowing you really need
to take a step, but fear keeps whispering. Not yet. Not yet. So I’m going
to ask you, how much longer are you willing to wait? How much more time are
you willing to spend feeling stuck and triggered and uncertain how much
longer?

(24:32):

Healing does not just happen. It’s created by the choices you make. So here
is my invitation. If you are ready to stop trying to figure this out alone,
if you are ready to step into a space where real transformation happens, I
invite you to apply for my one-year group coaching program. This program is
for women. It is called Get Your Life Back After Infidelity. Why? Because
the women who commit to themselves at this level heal faster. They just do.
I’ve seen it again and again and again. They stop circling the same painful
thoughts. They learn how to trust themselves. Again, they break patterns so
their children do not have to repeat them, and they walk away knowing that
no matter what happens next, they are going to be okay. They are not
attached to the outcome. They hope to avoid certain things, but they are
not attached to it.

(25:32):

They know that no matter what, they will be okay. If this speaks to you, I
invite you to go to the show notes or go to my website,

andrea giles.com

, to the work with me tab and apply. Now, this is a high-level intimate
coaching experience and I only allow people in who are ready for the work.
You’re ready? You hear this. You’re hearing this message going, she’s
talking to me. This is for me. If you have felt that pull, I want you to
trust it. That is your future self saying, please hear this and please bet
on us and go. Do not let another year pass you by in the same pain. Okay?
Don’t do it. Don’t let another year pass you by in the same pain. It is not
worth it. It is not worth it. Now, before we wrap this up, this program is
for you.

(26:32):

The ones that get the best results are those who are emotionally deep. You
feel things deeply. You learn things deeply, and you’re committed to
personal growth. You seek structure and intellectual clarity in your
healing journey. You want some structure. You want a path. You want
something you can follow. You want transformational guidance, not just
surface level advice. It needs to go deeper for you than surface level feel
good stuff that you could look up anywhere on any internet search. You want
to go deep. You value deep emotional work, but also logical frameworks. You
are willing to invest in yourself and in your relationship. You are not
interested in a quick fix, but you’re using this space in your life for
deep, meaningful transformation with a clear structured approach. This is
not for you if you are looking for a quick fix without deep commitment.
This is not for you if you already rule yourself out as saying, yeah,
probably.

(27:44):

I don’t know. My situation’s different and they’re talking in the groups
about things that I can’t really relate to, so it must not be for me. Okay?
Why is this not for you? Because the group coaching sessions are for
anyone. Anyone can raise their hand and ask for anything. If you’re not
willing to raise your hand, you’re not going to get your own coaching, so
if you’re not willing to take responsibility for your own healing, this
might not be the best group. This is also not for people who are in really
deep crisis. You might need help like some of you who are having trouble
eating, who are having trouble sleeping, who the infidelity may have
created a mental health crisis for you. This program will be ready for you
soon when you can feel a little bit more stable and ready to dig in deeper,
but it might just be too triggering for you right now, and that’s okay.

(28:44):

We’ll be here for you when you are ready. Okay? The other piece here is
this is for you if you are financially willing to figure out and invest.
Okay? Now, if you are ready, if you are hearing this going, I’m in. I know
that this is for me. I am ready. My invitation is to apply. You can go
right over to andrea giles.com. You can look at

my sales page

. You can scroll down to the bottom and you can see exactly how much this
program costs. You will not be surprised. The prices are right there. I
want you to trust that the price matches what us coaches inside the
program, myself and my assistant, and the team members, what we are giving
back. We are all in on you. We are all in from the day you join until the
day you leave us. We care deeply about your transformation.

(29:44):

We will be with you every step of the way. We recently upped the price
because the price that was there did not reflect the value that my clients
were being given. It did not reflect it, and now the price reflects it. We
are deeply invested in you. The question is, are you deeply invested in
you? I invite you to come. One more thing for my clients that are listening
that are not a fit for this program, whether it be that you want couples
coaching or individual coaching men out there where I don’t have a group for
you, I invite you to keep listening. Get on my email list. You can go to my
website and get on my email list because there is something coming for you.
I’ve got something coming up for you that is going to be so beneficial to
you that’s going to help you so much, and it’s coming.

(30:43):

It’s coming. Make sure that you’re following along so that you don’t miss
it. Alright? Thank you for being here. I know this was a little bit
different than what my normal episodes are, but I felt very called to speak
on this today because I know that there are so many of you listening that
get so much value from this podcast and let time go by… time go by with
this thought of like, this is how great, this is helpful. I’ll deeply apply
all of it. When I feel ready, I’m calling you out. Are you ready to apply
the things that we talk about here to learn more, to go deeper, to go deep
into transformation and actually change your life? You are the ones I get
so excited to work with. So excited. It lights me up. Alright, thank you,
and I cannot wait to read your application. I read through them all and
make the decisions of who comes in and who doesn’t, so I can’t wait to read
’em and I’ll talk to you soon. Take care.

Thank you for listening to the Heal from Infidelity podcast. If you would
like to be kept in the know about upcoming free classes, new podcast
episodes, and other ways of working with me, go subscribe to my weekly
email. You can https://andreagiles.com/lies-about-infidelity/. Again, it’s
https://andreagiles.com/lies-about-infidelity/. I will see you next time.