Andrea:

Hello, everybody, welcome to another episode. Today, I have a very special
treat, you get to hear and learn from the brilliant Lindsay Poelman. Before
I turn it over to her, or even introduce her at all, I need to say that
Lindsay is, she’s a brilliant coach. She’s got a brilliant mind, but she’s
also one of my very dearest friends. We’ve become really close in our
coaching journey, we are fellow coaches and rub shoulders that way, and have
gotten really close over the years. And so, it’s really fun to bring her
here for you to learn from her. You may go back a few episodes quite a
while ago, I had her on once before, it’s been a long time, and it’s time
to bring her back.

Hello, and welcome to the Heal from Infidelity podcast, where courageous
women learn not only to heal from their spouse’s betrayal, but to become
the boldest, truest, most decisive and confident versions of themselves
ever. If you know there’s more for you than the life you’re currently
living but don’t quite know how to get there, you are in the right place.
Stick around to learn how to create a life that will knock your own socks
off. Is it possible? It is, and I’m here to show you how. I’m your host,
Andrea Giles. Are you ready? Let’s dive in.

Lindsay, welcome, I’m so glad to have you here. Hello.

Lindsay:

Hi. So, happy to be here, always love an excuse to have a phone call with
you.

Andrea:

Thank you. We’re just sharing it, we’re letting people in on our phone call
today.

Lindsay:

Yes.

Andrea:

I love it.

Lindsay:

We should have recorded the last 30 minutes of us talking.

Andrea:

That’s true.

Lindsay:

Maybe 40 minutes.

Andrea:

Yeah, it’s true, it’s true. You would’ve learned a lot listening to that.
Anyway-

Lindsay:

Oh, actually lots of good topics there.

Andrea:

Yes, lots of good stuff. A topic that comes up a lot as people are
navigating the aftermath of infidelity is boundaries, it comes up a lot.
And there are so many different definitions around boundaries, you hear
from one expert, and they have a completely different idea than another.
Today, we’re going to talk about boundaries and we’re going to talk about
really taking sovereignty, really stepping into owning your space, owning
your decisions.

Before we jump into it, I looked up the definition of sovereignty, and it
says, “Supreme power or authority,” or “The authority to govern itself.”
That’s sovereignty, okay? And so, that’s what we’re going to be talking
about today, and I want to just go ahead and turn the time over. I’ll be
here, but I want to hear from Lindsay. Lindsay, will you please just share
a little bit about yourself first? So, just for a reference of who you are,
what you do, how you know so much about this.

Lindsay:

Well, I might be own avatar, my friends, in a lot of ways. Aren’t we all?
So, my name is Lindsay Poelman, I… How far back do you want me to go?

Andrea:

As far as you want. As far as you want.

Lindsay:

Really, really briefly, my partner and I, we got married… When did we get
married? Almost 18 years ago. And when we got married 18 years ago, we were
very much like your check the box American couple, like if we do this, then
this happens type thing. And so, we were like, all right, let’s check all
of these boxes off, and make some serious stuff happen. And so, we set off
and set life goals and dreams together and did a lot of really cool things.
He became a dentist, I got my master’s in tax accounting, I worked for a
big four firm in LA, before we had our three kids, and then right after our
third, we just bought our house in the nice neighborhood, all those little
American dream things, and within four months of having our third, he had a
big mental breakdown, which now he calls it kind of his awakening.

But at the time it does not feel like that. If someone would’ve said, oh,
he’s just having an awakening, I probably would’ve wanted to punch them in
the face. So, he had a mental breakdown and stopped working, and that was
the catalyst for us really starting to prioritize, cut the fat out of our
lives, things that weren’t working, and really decide what was working. And
so, I went back to work as an accountant for a firm in Silicon Valley, and
after a few years of doing that, I just realized it wasn’t my passion, even
though I was good at it, and so I started embarking on what could I do that
lights me up. And I realized then that I was already helping a lot of people
who were going through similar things as me, because my husband also, not
only was there the mental illness and the childhood trauma that led to the
mental breakdown, but he’d also been lying to me about porn use.

So, there’s betrayal trauma in that respect as well to heal from and a lot
of other stuff, which, too long to talk about. But yeah, I felt like I was
helping people a lot, and so I decided to become certified as a life coach.
And I didn’t know where that was going to take me, but I knew it was
supposed to be the next step. And so, got certified, I think Andrea
certified right after me, and then we met. And I would say even before I got
certified, I already had a plan to have a trauma certification addendum to
the certification program that I went through, in my head, because I was
like, oh yeah, we can go deeper. And then, I would say after coaching women
through betrayal trauma, and then having coaches come hire me for all of
their different things they were going through that weren’t even related to
betrayal trauma, I just started seeing a lot of gaping holes in the
coaching industry.

So, I decided to come up with an advanced certification to support people,
to support coaches, so they could feel more confident in the work that
they’re doing, and understand trauma and nervous system work. And then,
from there, I had past clients who wanted to become life coaches, who
weren’t coaches yet, and so I from there set up a full certification program
for them. And so, that’s where I’m at right now, and I love teaching about,
like Andrea said, boundaries as an act of self-sovereignty, because I think
it’s really important that we know that we have authority and autonomy over
our lives, our decisions, our bodies, and so, it’s important to me.

Andrea:

Thank you.

Lindsay:

That was kind of long, sorry.

Andrea:

It’s perfect, I think it’s perfect. And I think that the boundaries
conversation is one that needs to be ongoing anyway.

Lindsay:

Yeah, totally.

Andrea:

Because I think it’s, in some ways, it’s a buzzword too, and that I think
we’re trying to learn what it is collectively, and the more we talk about
it, the more we can each internalize that, and really understand it and
practice it and grow our abilities. So, I think bringing it here and
talking about it as an act of self-sovereignty is important. So, let’s dive
in. Okay? So, I want to hear from you your take on boundaries, and how
they’ve developed.

Lindsay:

Yeah, such a good question. I think what I would call emotional boundaries
101, it’s a little bit built off, for me, the visual of what a physical
boundary might look like. If you have a yard, there’s a fence line, that
fence line is your property. You don’t necessarily have to go announcing to
everybody that walks on the sidewalk, this is my yard, don’t come into my
yard or else, but it’s once someone comes in to your fence line, you might
be like, hey, what you doing here? Can you leave? If they don’t leave, you
might set some sort of boundary. Hey, if you don’t leave, I might, I’ll go
get my husband, or I’ll call the cops, or things like that.

And so, I love the imagery of physical boundaries as a setup for someone to
understand emotional boundaries, where we have our emotional fence line,
and if it feels like that’s getting encroached, we have the right to say
something and to leave the room if we need to, and do it in a way where
we’re not trying to manipulate someone’s behavior, but more as an act of
self-protection, if that makes sense. But what I have noticed is because of
our socialization as women, because we’re so socialized to be fixers, and
rescuers, and put other needs behind our own, it can actually make it really
difficult to not only recognize when our emotional fence line has been
crossed, but to recognize and enforce personal boundaries, especially in
tough relationships.

Because if you know somebody, or maybe if you’re listening and you have a
hard time setting boundaries, or if you know someone that isn’t following
through on boundaries, it’s not because they’re weak, it’s oftentimes more
of a nervous system capacity thing. And so, I love talking about boundaries
from more of a nervous system capacity standpoint because I think it’s
easier for people to, instead of checking in, and because of the
socialization again, where we may default the self-gaslighting, like, oh, he
is maybe not crossing my emotional line, or maybe he is, but this and this
and this, so maybe I’ll just this, instead of that questioning part, if we
just look at capacity, I think it can make it a little more straightforward
for people who are learning how to see if a line’s been crossed, create
space, and also be thinking about the future you, and you in the future.

Andrea:

Okay, tell me more about that, I want to hear more about capacity. Can you
expound on that?

Lindsay:

Yeah. So, when I say capacity, as far as having capacity to execute and
maintain a boundary, it’s a safety thing. Do I have the capacity to anchor
into safety after setting and executing a boundary with somebody? And a lot
of that comes down to knowing how to create enough safety in your body so
that even when the person you’re setting the boundary with, whether they
freak out, or don’t freak out, or give you the cold shoulder, you can
anchor into what you know, what you need, and let that be a priority.

Andrea:

Yep. And I think that that is such valuable work that is transformative.
Just lately, in my own group, I’ve been talking a lot about this around not
wanting to be mean, not wanting to sound mean, and I feel like a mean
person, and in some cases they’re being told that. They’re saying, no, you
cannot have access to me whenever you want, no, you cannot… Whatever
those things are. And the, being told that they’re being selfish and that
they’re being mean. And it can be really unsettling, it can feel dangerous
to our bodies to feel mean, because there might’ve been a time in our life
where it was unsafe.

Lindsay:

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then, when you’re being told you are being mean or that
something’s wrong with you, that can often activate those biological parts
of us where belonging and fitting in was a matter of survival. Even 200
years ago, getting chosen to be married, a lot of that had to do with
survival. So, if we don’t know how to create safety in our body, if we don’t
have that capacity so that we can thrive, then when these deeper systems
that are more focused on survival get activated, they will trump. So, it’s
about knowing what’s happening in your body, understanding language of your
body, and being able to recognize what’s happening and tease out what’s
happening, so that you can make an informed decision for each circumstance,
because it can be different day over day or month over month.

Andrea:

So, tell me, in the work that you’ve done when you’re working with people
where that is a challenge, where their body does not yet have the capacity.
How do you help people grow that capacity?

Lindsay:

Yeah, that’s a great question. The first thing that I usually do if I’m
teaching boundaries more from this nervous system perspective is I teach it
in a way where we think about our bodies… And I actually got this from
another mentor of mine, so I don’t want to take credit for her idea, but it
was so good that I was like, yeah, this is how we want to be teaching it.
But where we think of our body as a one-person country. We’re a one-person
country, personally, again, a lot of people, if you’re in America, I would
say think of a European country and not America, or a country within the
Americas. I guess you could, but in my head, for the analogy, I use Europe,
because I used to live in Europe.

So, if you think about your body as a one-person country, there are
resources that come, there are parts of the body that need attending to,
and there are bordering countries that you have relationships with, where
relationships need to be maintained interdependently. And the thing is, is
so many women have been socialized to just be walked all over, and to have
such permeable boundaries, that we almost don’t even know where our body
starts or where it ends. And so, when we can visualize it as a one-woman
country, it can help things become more clear, people can get more clarity.
Because if you think about a one-person country, like France, that’s very
resourced, if they didn’t set boundaries, all the countries around them
would set them for them.

Like, we’ll take these mountains, these are pretty cool. We’ll take this.
We’ll take this. Right? So, until you know where you start and finish, the,
I don’t want to say it’s the natural way of the world, but it just seems
like some humans will take, until they know like, oh, oh, you like that
waterfall? Sorry, I didn’t know anyone was using it. So, it doesn’t even
have to be malicious, but though it can be in some ways. And the other
thing I like about it too is, well, so there’s that space where you think
about it yourself, as a one-person country, because then if someone is
wanting to pull or take, then you’re not just thinking about that moment.
You’re like, well, if they cut off my water supply, then all of this isn’t
taken care of.

And so, you really have to think about taking care of yourself in a
different way, and thinking about the future as well so that you can come
together and work in a healthy interdependent way with these bordering
countries. And by bordering countries, I might be talking about other
intimate or closer relationships. And the other reason that I also like
teaching about it this way is because there’s one end of the spectrum that
I think was taught a lot when I went through my coaching certification that
was very, take care of yourself, everything is about you, no one’s stuff
can affect you unless you choose. It was very, to me, a little more callous
and robotic. But when you think of countries, if someone upstream from me
doesn’t care what they throw in their water, there’s going to be impact
there.

And so, I actually think if you’re in a partnership with somebody, what
they’re doing or not doing, there’s still impact. And so, I like thinking
about it that way so we can be like, hey, hey, hey, I know you don’t care
because that river’s going downstream from your country to mine, but that
actually is a big source here, and we don’t have the resources to build a
wall or keep that polluted water from coming in. And so, I think it just
helps people to really picture, if you were to take what’s happening in
your relationship and put it on a piece of paper to help you see where
boundaries can be crossed in that way as well. There’s still impact if you
are not blank, blank, blank.

Andrea:

Yeah. It makes me think about if we view ourselves with this sovereignty as
seeing the resources that we each have as our own country, that we have our
own resources that are unique to us, and I think that there’s a narrative,
I know I was taught it, about becoming one, especially in marriage. You
become one, and this what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine. And
this can be quite dangerous because there are no boundaries there, it’s
just all of these resources that I have, they’re just yours for the taking.

Lindsay:

Exactly.

Andrea:

And I can see how, I know for me, I really felt that, I felt that
obligation in my first marriage very much, that I owed it, that it was part
of my duty to just make everything that I had available, that that was the
noble thing to do.

Lindsay:

Yeah, like yourself-

Andrea:

And I’m sure there’s a lot of listeners that resonate with that. Go ahead.

Lindsay:

No, no, I was like, yourself, your body, your [inaudible 00:16:58]-

Andrea:

Totally. Everything. Everything.

Lindsay:

Your freaking name. Not that I’m opposed to changing my name, but back in
the day, when women couldn’t hold property in their own name, becoming one
just basically meant you’re turning everything over to another person. You
lose your name, you lose your property, you’re right to inherit, based on
the country you live in, and most importantly yourself. And I don’t want to
say that women didn’t thrive, and there weren’t awesome women who saw
through this, I know there were because we have movies, and journals, and
things like that. But yeah, that idea of becoming one, instead of
celebrating two. Celebrating the differences so that we can… Switzerland
might be amazing at manicuring their mountains perfectly, and everything
they do is so brilliant and beautiful, but what if we could celebrate that
and also celebrate how France does France, and how Italy does Italy, so
that we don’t all absorb into one culture either?

Andrea:

Yep, yep. I love it.

Lindsay:

So, I don’t know why, but the visual of countries really, really works for
me, because it really helps people think, I still need your resource here.
And instead of thinking, I should be nice, good girl, this and this, it’s
like, oh, wait, hold on, if I give this, then I won’t be able to take care
of myself in this way, or I’ll be under resourced. And I think when we
allow ourselves to really take care of ourselves… I think, to me
personally, I think humanity is meant to be connected and to support each
other. We’re a relational species. And so, you see that with countries that
work together too, I think Portugal, they have all these amazing windmills
if you guys haven’t been there recently, and they had so much extra power
one year that they just gave it to Spain.

Andrea:

Wow.

Lindsay:

So, it’s like when we can take care of ourselves and let ourselves be
supported, because we’re supposed to be supported by humans, I’m not
teaching this hyper independence thing, I think it also helps us set
ourselves up to know what we can give, and maybe know ourselves so well
that what we end up giving has so much more impact than if we were just not
thinking about the richness of the particular soil in our country, or this
and that. So, I think it helps us develop our unique gifts in such a way
that our impact on the world is unique in that way.

Andrea:

I love that, and I think that it brings up another issue that we probably
both run into a lot, is that often when people first come into my world,
they’ve been so used to just freely flowing their resources, just open
door, here, just take it, take it, that there’s this confusion about what’s
mine, what’s yours? There’s this confusion about what resources they have.
We can name a few of time, just our physical labor, things like that, but
there’s emotional resources, there’s all kinds of resources that we have,
that this takes really getting to know who we are, and really understanding
all that we are. Would you talk about that a little bit?

Lindsay:

Yeah. No, I love everything that you just mentioned there. Is there
something specific in all of that that you’re saying you would want me to
speak to?

Andrea:

I guess my question, Lindsay, is as people are navigating boundaries, it
can be confusing to know what should be a boundary, what should not be a
boundary, and even confusion about, I don’t know what my, if we’re talking
back to the analogy which I love, about being your own country, I don’t
exactly know what all of the things are that are, like, is my soil rich?
What are the amazing things about my country? Really, about me? And some
people, they feel so lost sometimes in these open borders, just like take,
take, take, here, here, here, that it’s getting back to that sovereignty,
and I am my own authority, I am my own individual. How do you recommend
helping the listeners today learn how to really recognize these things, to
really know what their boundaries are, to even see what they are?

Lindsay:

Yeah. Yeah, the big thing is just developing out your own skin, where you
start, where you end, but then also getting clear on what do I need? What
do I need? What do I notice when I’m not setting a boundary? What does that
feel like in my body? And so, the more we can connect to our bodies, our
bodies are this piece of technology that I don’t even think we have the
capacity to fully, completely understand as humans, our bodies know when
stuff is happening that is not working for us. So, just really, I would say
the first thing would be just like if there’s any judgment or shame around
what you have or haven’t done, do what you can to release that. So, it’s
not about learning to love your circumstances, maybe just accepting. Like,
yeah, I haven’t set boundaries because I haven’t known differently. If
anything, I’ve been taught to do it this way, and I’ve internalized this,
and I know I want it to be different, so that you can start being attuned
to when boundaries are getting crossed.

And in my programs, I have different ways to teach that through self-trust
triads, and learning how to develop our intuition, and tease some of that
stuff out, but I would say the big thing is just making sure you know if
something’s been crossed, see how that feels in your body, I know that
might sound really foreign to some of you, versus whether it hasn’t. If
there’s a way for you to start getting clear on what a yes feels like or a
no feels like in your body, you could even start calibrating with really
simplistic questions or simplistic things, like, just something where you
know you’re really aligned in giving.

Maybe it’s volunteering at your child’s school, you’re like, that is my
thing, and your body’s like, yes, I just feel it. But if there’s conflict
there, or if there’s something else, if you feel tightness, it doesn’t have
to mean you’re a bad mom. And so, I think just really starting to get to
know your body and understanding what a yes or a no is, and being willing
to protect it fiercely, I would say. A fierce, loving protection, the way
you would protect a newborn. Again, if we let society choose how we love
ourselves, if we don’t intercept that, then we will all hate our noses, we
will all hate our bodies, we will all be so consumed about what we don’t
have, or who we aren’t, that we forget about who we are.

Andrea:

Yep, I love that. A question I have for you about that is, when people are
practicing really hearing their body, how do you recommend if their mind is
making them wrong for it, right? No, this is fine, or if their mind is
resistant to it, because, for example, hearing that no means having to go
do something or say something that they’re very uncomfortable with. How do
you help people calibrate to being able to let their body win out over their
mind or fear?

Lindsay:

Yeah, such a good question. I think a lot of it is getting clear on what
you know and what you need, and if you’re having a hard time, quiet down
those voices in your head. Then instead of listening to them, you could try
talking to them. And so, sometimes with my clients, when they’re way up in
their head about setting boundaries because they don’t know what is going
to happen, I love the question, what do you know? So, just bringing them
back to what they know, and when they speak the truth of what they know, it
can calm the storm in their head.

So, that’s a really quick, easy way to do that, and so just reminding them
of what do I know? Do I have a right to go to sleep when I want? Or not
sleep with people who are cheating on me? Or do I have a right to my own
body? And so, if there’s a way to write down a list of phrases that just
bring you calm, then when you’re up in your head, or if you do set a bound,
and you’re like, oh my gosh, we just get in a fight, literally, you can go
back to this little mini, what do you know, safety plan, of like, it’s okay
to be me. It’s okay to take up space. It’s okay to have needs. It’s okay to
set boundaries.

Boundaries are there to create intimacy, and foster intimacy in
relationship. So, even though sometimes when you change the dance, there’s
a little bit of stumbling there, to me, when you can set and maintain and
execute boundaries for yourself, it’s going to show you what the essence of
your relationship is over time. Even if there’s a little bit of kicking and
screaming in the beginning, does your partner ultimately respect it?

Andrea:

Yep. Absolutely. When one person grows in their ability, or heals in their
ability, to be able to change that dance a little bit, exactly, you’re
going to learn if they’re willing to do the same, or if they’re going to
dig their heels in, and that’s really good to know. It’s really good to
know.

Lindsay:

Yeah.

Andrea:

You’re making me think about, sometimes it’s just these simple things. As
all of you know, I’m a coach, I spend a lot of my time talking to people,
and sometimes at the end of the day, I just want to go for a walk by
myself, and I have kids home for the summer, and often I have some of my
teenagers that see me heading out the door, and want to come with me, and
even that, things like that, just simple things where my body is like, I
just need a minute before I go be mom, before I go make dinner, or be with
the kids, or go on a second walk, things like that. And I think even things
like that are ways to practice this sovereignty, ways to practice, what do
I need? We don’t have to justify it. Other people do not need to understand
it. I love, I love the analogy about a country. A different country is
going to have different things that they need than what my country needs.
And it’s okay, right?

Lindsay:

Yeah. Because if you’re sourced up at the top of the Alps, you probably
never have to think about water flow.

Andrea:

No.

Lindsay:

Well, you might think initially that you don’t.

Andrea:

Right? That’s true.

Lindsay:

[inaudible 00:27:46] you trash things, and then people trash things, and
eventually… We’re so interconnected, and at the same time, the more we
can take care of ourselves on a micro level, the more it creates a macro
impact that the world needs. So, really, for all of your women, if they’re
struggling with that, like, oh, this is selfish, to me, that’s what I see
as, it starts with you, taking care of you, and that’s what’s going to have
the natural organic impact on the world, on your family, and your
relationship, that it needs to have.

And that’s what we want to be modeling to our kids. What if we’re the
generation of women that breaks these chains so that our kids, our
daughters and our sons, do it differently, where they don’t have to figure
it out in their 20s, 30, 40s? They just know, of course I can take up
space, of course I can be loud, of course I can speak up if I have a weird
teacher, or if that Jim guy… Whatever. I want my kids to be loud and take
up space and speak up, and so doing my best to model that.

Andrea:

Yep, absolutely. So, let’s talk for a few minutes here about boundaries as
an act of self-sovereignty. I want to hear more about that.

Lindsay:

Yeah, to me, the way I see female sovereignty, it refers to the concept of
women having full authority and autonomy over their own lives, decisions
and bodies. This encompasses a broad range of ideas and practices that are
aimed to empower us, assert our independence, make our own choices, and
live according to our own values and desires. And so, this can look like
decision-making power, making your own choices regarding careers. This can
look like control over your own body, right? Reproductive choices, and
things like that. And I will just say, because of the scope of your podcast,
sexual agency as well, right?

Andrea:

Yes, absolutely.

Lindsay:

Being married to someone doesn’t mean you owe them something, this is not a
traditional thing. So, just feel like we can’t ever emphasize that enough
with women. I actually have a phrase, and this is the tiny aside, I have a
phrase in my coach certifications… I teach these coaches how to do deep
emotional processing and things like that. And I’m huge on consent. And not
just consent where it’s like, oh, they hired me a month ago, I have full
consent. Teaching women to check in with their body pretty consistently,
and rechecking and giving consent. And so, sometimes with the coaches, I’ll
say, just like sex, you can stop anytime.

Andrea:

I love it. I love it.

Lindsay:

But it’s a real thing, because so many of us have been socialized to defer
to authority figures, so much so that we end up doing it with coaches that
we’re paying, or therapists that we’re paying, or doctors that we’re
paying.

Andrea:

Totally. Yeah.

Lindsay:

And we are the paying customers, so just tossing that out there.

Andrea:

I love it.

Lindsay:

But again, the sovereignty with respect to economic independence, emotional
and psychological wellbeing, self-confidence, social and cultural
empowerment. So, so much of that, and then I would just say the spiritual
and inner sovereignty piece. And all of this is very developmentally
appropriate for who we are as humans, where, there’s a phase of our
human/spiritual development where we seek out external authorities, but it’s
actually normal, a normal part of your human development or spiritual
development, but I see them as the same, to turn to your inner authority.
And just know that, for me personally, I have never felt more connected to
myself by doing this, and thankfully I’m in a partnership where generally
very, very supported.

But just know that not everybody loves it, because a lot of people love
when we are people-pleasers because then they get what they want. They can
take what they need from us. And so, there are social constructs that layer
in confusion and self-gaslighting and things like that, but I think what
the world is starving for right now are women who have claimed their
sovereignty and feel safe enough to act on that. [inaudible 00:31:58] seen
however they’re meant to. Their impact might be in their home, it might be
in their job, it might be as an entrepreneur, it might be really loud, as
an influencer, but only you know if you feel sovereign. But I think the
world is headed on a great trajectory for this, even though it’s a little
fiery right now. But to me, it’s what will save the world, more people
claiming their sovereignty.

Andrea:

Yes. Amen to all of that. I want to give a little background here with my
relationship here with Lindsay, back in, I’m trying to remember, it’s been
about two and a half years ago, in my coaching practice in infidelity, in
the infidelity space, there’s a lot of intense emotion that my clients are
dealing with. There are various experts that say it’s not trauma, and then
there are the experts that said that it is. I myself take the stance that,
who gets to define that, but the person who’s experienced it, but we need
to understand how to help. We need to understand how to hold people and help
them with however they are experiencing this crisis in their life. And the
definition is less important than what the person in front of you is
experiencing. And with that, I ended up joining Lindsay’s program, and went
through her program for coaches, a trauma certification, because I feel a
great responsibility to my clients to make sure that I do no harm by not
being aware, by not understanding.

And I’ve brought in some practices that have helped my clients, so that I
can help in real time while they’re really in it, to be able to get back
into their bodies, and feel and be present to what’s going on with them,
rather than trying to cognitively move them along. And so, with that, I
wanted to share here, in my journey, I’ve had a lot of people that have been
so impacted by the work in the coaching world, that I’ve had many people
come and say, I think I want to do this too, I want to go help other
people, I feel a call. I’ve had so many people say that. Clients, people
who have listened to this podcast, that have felt that there’s something
more for them.

And one of the things I wanted to have Lindsay on to share is that for any
of you listening who feel something as you are listening, that feel truth
in the words that we’re saying, that feel lit up, that feel inspired,
whatever it is, and feel a call to learn more, Lindsay offers a program for
people who have never coached before, people who have never done it before.
And for any of you who are looking to just to learn these things, to expand
on them, whether it be for yourself or to have your own career, I wanted
Lindsay to share a little bit about what that looks like. As I said, I’ve
been through her program for coaches, but now with one of her programs,
anyone can go through it.

And before I turn it over to Lindsay, I want to say that without
hesitation, I can say that I have been the biggest product of everything
that I put out in the world. Everything that I’ve learned, everything that
I share, I have had the biggest benefit from it. Because I’ve learned these
new things and then I can apply them, and have been able to really change
my own life. And there is a lot of benefit in just learning these things
and deepening your understanding and practicing them, whether you have an
intention of building a business or just really understanding, really
getting a deeper understanding. And so, with that, Lindsay, can you share
with us a little bit more about what this looks like for people who have
never coached before?

Lindsay:

Yeah. Oh, such a good question, thanks for your kind words and for
everything that you say. I think the people that seem to come my direction
are those who start noticing that they’re one of the first people that
others call in crisis. Like, oh, it seems like people really turn to me…
That’s kind of where I start sometimes, is like, if you feel like you are
that person, or that does happen, or if you just know that you have serious
gifts and power to offer the world, and you haven’t figured out how to turn
it into something. I actually get a lot of people, who I just finished with
my first full life coach certification group, and it was so cool to see
everyone come through because it wasn’t just people who had never worked,
we had entrepreneurs who were like, I just want to figure out how to
integrate this into my business.

We had people who had a lot of other certifications, who wanted to layer it
on, because they see the power of blending their spiritual gifts that they
have, and earthing it with all of the trauma-informed information, so
marrying that, which is a lot of the work that we do. And so, the cool
thing about the program is that it’s a certification program, it’s a full
trauma-informed [inaudible 00:37:03] certification where you are going to
be trauma and nervous system informed by the time you finish, but also it
will set you up to start a business as a life coach, or if you’re already
doing something, you can layer all of this understanding into what you’re
doing so that you’re able to have more of the impact that you want to have,
the impact that you want to have on the world. And so, the thing I love
about this particular program too, that a lot of other coaches have said is
that it’s live, so all the instructional calls are live, so that you can
ask questions live, you can get feedback live, and things like that.

And not only are you learning the ivory tower stuff, we have a workbook,
it’s 400 pages, I’ve developed my own trauma-informed mindset model that I
teach now, that’s different than the one that I went through, because we
are multidimensional humans, so we want to have a multifaceted approach to
be more inclusive, and meet more humans where they’re at. And so, while we
have all that really good stuff, the foundational stuff, like workbook
stuff and all of that, I have a program set up so that you can self-apply
with respect to your stickiest relationship during the entire program. So,
I have a journal prompt, a big journal prompt, that goes along everything
that we talk about, questions that go along with the stuff that we’re
teaching. So, you can be self-applying throughout the entire program with
respect to whatever your toughest relationship is, or just what you know
you want to work on. And it doesn’t have to be a person, it can be a place,
a thing, an experience, money, a religious institution, or anything like
that.

And so, you’re also getting that as well. And you’re seeing me coach live,
and then we also have supervised peer coaching at the end too. So, it’s
been really phenomenal, and I think one of my favorite parts about it is, I
call myself a super connector, I’ve been told that, now I just let myself
call myself that, but bringing people together, where we’re all part of
this co-manifestation process, and we’re all doing what we can to support an
environment that’s very conducive to safety, because that’s the foundation
we need for healing and growth, but then seeing everybody connect with each
other is like, I get so many dopamine hits from that.

And so, that’s been really, really fun as well. And to me, some people
invest in this program not even knowing, like, I don’t know if I’ll become
a coach, I just know I want this information. And it transforms so much in
their marital relationships and things like that. So, it’s cheaper than
divorce in a lot of ways. And so, when I think of all the programs that I
paid for and went through, what you’re getting here is so much more than
your general life coach certification because we’ve interwoven so many
contextual layers of understanding so that you can be more inclusive in how
you look and see the world, and also just how you treat people and meet
your clients where they’re at, so it’s pretty awesome.

Andrea:

Beautiful. It is awesome, and you just reminded me of when I went through
it, that piece about bringing your stickiest relationship, I remember that,
and I remember getting help, getting coaching. And so, not only are you
learning all of these things, but there’s a big integration piece where
you’re really practicing it with yourself and your own life.

Lindsay:

Yeah, yeah.

Andrea:

Which is so healing, and then you can use that, as you said, in whatever
capacity you want, as a layer on to what you’re already doing, as a
starting point, but really to leave with a deeper understanding of
yourself. What a gift. What a gift, right?

Lindsay:

Yeah, it’s huge, and we have ongoing continuing education, and a year of
monthly mentorship calls even after the program. So, I do my best to keep
bringing people in, even post. Even for your group, that went through
forever ago, you guys are still invited to stuff that I have, if I update
the workbook, Andrea’s group gets it too.

Andrea:

Yep, it’s awesome.

Lindsay:

So, it’s great. I love it.

Andrea:

Yeah, it is, it is. I do too. I do too. Well, thank you so much for being
on today, I want to let all of you know that if you, again, if you felt
something here, if you want to learn more from Lindsay, the information to
find her and to go work with her will be in the show notes. And I will say
that, yes, she’s one of my very best friends, but part of the reason why is
because she’s one of the safest people I know in my whole life, in all of
my people. She’s one of the safest people, and she also has a way of making
you think a little bit differently about things in your life without it
feeling threatening at all. Really, she’s just a gift. She’s a gift. And I
encourage you to go learn more from her. Is there anything you would like
to say or share before we wrap it up today?

Lindsay:

No, this has been awesome, thank you so much For everyone listening. What
we’ll do is, I’m going to send Andrea a unique link for people to buy, and
with that you should be able to have a coupon code to give yourself some
prime pricing.

Andrea:

Awesome.

Lindsay:

So, anyway, it’s an awesome program, it’s a very whole-bodied approach and-

Andrea:

I love it.

Lindsay:

… it’s the best. We start in September.

Andrea:

Okay. Perfect. Perfect. All right, thank you my friend, thank you so much
for being on.

Lindsay:

Thank you.

Andrea:

And thank you everybody for being here today, I will see you next week.

Lindsay:

Thank you.

Andrea:

Bye.

Lindsay:

See you guys.

Andrea:

Thank you for listening to the Heal from Infidelity podcast, if you would
like to be kept in the know about upcoming free classes, new podcast
episodes, and other ways of working with me, go subscribe to my weekly
email. You can subscribe at andreagiles.com/lies-about-infidelity/. Again,
it’s andreagiles.com/lies-about-infidelity/. I will see you next time.